Sunday, December 15, 2013

Morning Person

I am not a morning person.  Never really have been, although I try like hell.  There was a time in my life when I WAS a morning person.  When he and I first started dating, any time he stayed the night I always woke up in a good mood (for obvious reasons, duh, he stayed the night).  HE however is a morning person, an irritatingly always in a good mood, happy morning person.  I envy him! 

This morning he woke up from a brief nap giggling.  He dreamed about Nick Saban of all people.  Me being the Aggie that I am find myself thinking WTF?!  Nick Saban?!  Oh please tell me more.

There is a fact, Alabama fans worship Nick Saban, despite those of us with a brain realizing he is not Christ incarnate.  In his dream, the people of Alabama erected a statue of Nick Saban.  A statue similar to the one in Rio, or for us southern folk, like the one in Eureka Springs, Arkansas on the grounds of the Passion Play.  Nick Saban, arms out-stretched as if welcoming all of his Bama children to come worship him, which they do. 


Insert Saban's face above


Now add thousands of sloths, much like the sloth in Ice Age (I don't have kids, I can't remember his name).  All these sloths standing at the feet of the statue of Nick Saban, chanting and singing. 



What the hell goes through this man's mind....what did he eat that would cause him to have a dream like this. 

LOL  I have no idea, but that $h!ts funny!!


Friday, November 22, 2013

Some people are just stupid - and funny because of it!

It never ceases to amaze me how dumb some people really are.  Take those who act like the know everything yet can spell nothing (I know these people trust me).  Or those who have simple brain farts (I have them constantly at the enjoyment of my husband).  Then there are these!  Oh my - keep them away from me! 

Stupid People

Saturday, November 9, 2013

Out of the mouths of babes....

From the mouths of Babes

NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!

HONESTY
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.
 

KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."
 

MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
 

ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. The various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs, unfailingly intrigued her. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
 

DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."
 

SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"
 

BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found", the boy called out." What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear